I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
