First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Panties = found
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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