I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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