In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
