Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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