So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
