Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
