I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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