Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
why is half of my head shaved?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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