I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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