I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
