Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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