Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
