onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
