a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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