i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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