marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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