i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
