At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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