i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
