I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
