Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
