she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am one with the molecules
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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