The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
