i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize