You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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