Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
