Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
