If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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