i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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