at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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