just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
