its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
