After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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