Swine flu. Run for my life!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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