she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
