Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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