i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
