im about as happy as oj after his trial
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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