The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
how drunk are you?
Several
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
