After last night, I could never be a politician.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
