Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize