never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So here I am, sexting at work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
