you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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