I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
