we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You are the jesus of drinking
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
