well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
