Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
