I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
