Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
