i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
