You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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