It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm at about main and main street
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
