Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
