I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The uberlube is also flammable
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize