my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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