Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
