No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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