Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
