Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
