I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
