the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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