I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
