stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize