the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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