i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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