You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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