We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
