your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I died a long time ago.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
