ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize