dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
