dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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