How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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