I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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