Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
