Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
