Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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