He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
